In 2009, after losing my partner to suicide, the loss, the guilt, the pain, and the darkness snuffed out hope for a brighter and better day. The enduring suffering overshadowed any glimmer of light, love, and life. I chose to let go of life and attempted suicide. I am one of the fortunate, as I was discovered, taken to the emergency room, physically stabilized, and then released into mandated out-patient mental health services where I would begin taking steps toward hope, healing, and happiness.
Resuscitation of my soul began as a rebirth in the darkness. Just as a caterpillar evolves from within the darkness of the chrysalis, I began my journey of hope and healing in the darkest moments of my life. The darkness that once held me hostage to strife began to serve as my birthing vessel into a new awakening. With the help of family, friends, mental health counselors, support groups, meditation, exercise, and an unwavering commitment to life, I stepped into the light of amazing grace and mended the wounds of guilt, helplessness, anxiety, and fear.
I am learning to live a life with stretch marks and scars I no longer seek to hide or deny. I am learning to put my whole self into my life. I have learned to hold onto the miracles that unfold each and every day--the beat of my heart; the deep breath of release; the conversations with my family, friends, and colleagues; the snuggle time with the dogs; the beauty of dreams yet to come; and the love I carry in a heart that has no maximum holding capacity. I am learning to look forward to tomorrow while living life fully in the present. I am learning it is okay to be happy.